The
Journey
by Dreamwolf
Hello
Karin,
Your
question about my earth name comes at a very interesting moment in my
life.
In Native American culture, earth names are given to honor the spirit
of a person, their spiritual path, direction, process, etc... Dreamwolf
is my name honoring my pyschic abilities. In many cultures people
would refer to me as a seer. The name also depicts my connection
to Earth Mother, family and a deep femininity.
The timing of your question is perfect because for the past few months
I've been on a journey of recognizing illusions in my life and then
finding my truth. I've been sifting through illusions for quite
some time however I've recently moved into pulling illusionary beliefs
out of my subconscious. In doing so, what I thought was a solid
foundation that I had been building upon, is now falling apart.
The foundation is not so much in the inner world but more so in the outer
world and particularly in the relationships I have with family, friends,
and with various situations. Overall it's a process I treasure however
at times can be challenging and induce some deep sadness.
I have a tremendous inner drive to understand
WHO I AM.
Although
my husband respects this about me, it drives him nuts. I can understand
why. I just don't let things (fears) go until I thoroughly understand the
dynamics inside out and vice versa with the goal of transmuting
the experience into wisdom. This experience with my family will
take some time to understand. Maybe not understand but to accept.
I'm well on my way. Time is a great healer.
I
spent most of the day thinking about your e-mail and pondering about all
my friends who seem to be moving through a similar process. The
details are unique to the person however the process similar in nature.
I've got a cold/flu and not feeling well which is why I've had so much
time to ponder today. Let me see if I can articulate my journey
into today's feminine process.
Females born into this masculine dominated world struggle to be recognized.
In order to be noticed in even the slightest way, we need to either have
the perfect body, face and hair OR master a masculine career. Femininity
has only been recognized THROUGH a masculine avenue . This holds
true for males with strong feminine qualities as well as women.
There are so many women I've encountered in the past year who are unsettled
and not knowing the underlying cause. For me, it wasn't until I
began a morning ritual of taking a hot shower, journaling and doing yoga
did I realize I've suppressed my femininity for approval, recognition
and appreciation from our very masculine society.
My journey has been to re-examine my relationships to family, friends,
community as well as my relationships to beliefs, concepts and ideals.
In doing so I've come to realize the discomfort I've increasingly experienced
over the past few years is from my relationships to everything in the
outer world.
This is an arena not often explored by people because it threatens the
very foundation we grew up with. I honestly believe human consciousness
is reaching a critical moment in development where people will be forced
to re-examine their priorities and their relationships to those priorities.
Our society doesn't support the development of our inner spiritual world.
The focus has been on exterior sources of pleasure, comfort, etc....
It's just not working any longer and people are feeling an urgency to
feel a sense of peace.
My life line back to my inner world has been my uterus and menses.
When out of touch, I was experiencing extreme pain and unusual symptoms.
When I sat down and began dialoging with my uterus, I suddenly realized
how out of synch I was with not only myself but all of nature.
The femininity within myself was heard as a nearly silent whisper.
Because I could barely feel or hear her, I had to acutely sharpen my sensitivity
to this part of myself I shoved away for so long. I shoved her away
to protect her and to be accepted into society.
Slowly but surely her voice became stronger, bolder, sharper and wiser.
Now, I hear her loud and clear in everyday activities. The voice
originates from deep within my pelvis and echos into my solar plexus.
I don't necessarily hear words but feel the essence of the concept.
She has helped me to set boundaries within all relationships being very
clear about why I do something for someone else. When I fall back
on old patterns of performing/helping people from a place of wanting/needing
acceptance.... look out!
That inner voice begins to scream. I can't get away with anything
and I love it.
My beautiful friend has helped me become aware of the natural cycles of
menses, the natural cycles of the moon and of Mother Earth as a whole
Being. More importantly she has helped me to feel my connection
with all of life and my relationships to these natural cycles. This
has probably been the greatest gift of all.
I've also come to accept the beauty of my body. My natural
curves, suppleness, odors, colors, feelings, etc.... I dress for
me now. I shower for me. I brush my teeth for me, etc...
Sounds funny but in the process of getting to know me, I realized I was
doing all these things because it was expected of me and it was part
of a societal ritual. I really wasn't doing it for me until recently.
Karin, this must sound so funny but I honestly had to look at EVERYTHING
I do in every day and ask WHY? and for who? Slowly but surely I
began to find my own desires, truths and reasons for doing the things
I was doing. I was so afraid my life would change drastically and
it would be a struggle. What I've come to realize is the shifting
occurred in my inner world and not so much in the outer world other than
the healthy boundaries. The key was shifting my relationship
to life and everything in it and becoming critically aware of my motivations.
Now motivations come from a place of truth and desire.
Well, it's time to go. Hope sharing my journey serves helpful in
yours.
