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Women
in VoICE©
Voices
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Join
these women in telling your story.
Ask yourself what kind of legacy would YOU like to leave.
Chelle
• Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein • Dreamwolf
• Carol Roach
Featuring:
Dr. Babara Holstein
Originator
of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning
into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN
products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com.
Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/
join, and sign up for her free e-group at
www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive
Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT:
The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
(See
my favorite product!)
Article:
Yes, I Finally Dare to Be The ENCHANTRESS of Positive Psychology: Part 1 By
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
We all have names. Some are given to
us. My given name was Barbara Irene Becker. Some names are taken
in marriage. My married name is Barbara Irene Holstein. Some names are
given to us as 'pet' names either by parents or significant others.
I have some pet names. My parents called me Babsy and now my husband
and I share pet names. We take on some names as part of a way of identifying
a deeply authentic part of ourselves. In naming that part of ourselves,
we birth it, we cherish it and let it emerge. The name has power attached
to it. As we use and share the name it reinforces to our selves and
others some very special parts of our selves or a special mission. Once
named, parts of our selves can come more fully into being. Without a
name, shadows and glimpses often are all we see of those special traits. I
have a name which is deeply authentic and special to me. It is a new
name that I have taken on in the last five years.
This name is the ENCHANTRESS, of Positive psychology,
or more briefly, The ENCHANTRESS. To understand why I have chosen this
name for myself, after over 20 years in private practice as a psychologist
I need to share with you how the energy around naming a concept or oneself
is activated. The word ENCHANTRESS incorporates within it a vision of my mission
and life work as a psychologist. Yet, this name did not emerge in the
early years of my positive psychology work. It was birthed years after
the words THE ENCHANTED SELF came floating into my mind as I looked over the
case study research on women I had done. To briefly summarize, I had discovered
that the women I interviewed outside of my practice had much more capacity
for joy and a daily sense of well-being than I had anticipated. Analyzing
my case study material convinced me that we focus too much in our society
on 'The Disenchanted Forest' part of our lives--the disappointments and let-downs--rather
than on the enchanted side of life. That is the wonderment of it all--the
good times, the successes, the inner feelings of peace and harmony and being
'right' with the world. Eventually, my 'a-ha' insight led to my journey as
a psychologist, educator and a woman. I felt there was energy to harness
in naming my work THE ENCHANTED SELF. I was pleased and amazed at times
to see how much sustaining energy began to exude from the phrase THE ENCHANTED
SELF.
I found myself being nourished by the expression
as I said it over and over in my head and began to use it actively in my work.
The expression definitely gave me inspiration. Also, immediately so
many others 'caught' the phrase and began talking about their personal experiences
of states of well-being as experiencing THE ENCHANTED SELF or Enchanted Moments.
Naming my first book, which teaches therapists and others how to make the
paradigm shift of looking for what is right with our selves, rather than what
is wrong, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, was a natural, a perfect
fit. My first book name was the summation of my inspiration--my deep
desire to bring more light into the treatment chambers as well as the rest
of our lives. Again, the very name had taken on such intense meaning
for me, summing up exactly what I was offering. How precious that book--my
baby's first steps--were! I saved and treasured every note and letter
I received from the first readers of the book, as a mother saves the first
snapshots! Like a tired new mother, I quickly discovered that the publication
of my first book, as the birth of a child, was just the beginning of extremely
hard work.
I had a task ahead of me. My mental perspiration
had just begun. As we all discover, inspiration is only a tiny bit of
the battle. The real work of ENCHANTMENT turned out to convincing others to
incorporate within themselves a positive perspective about themselves.
Selling a book is far from easy. Yet, convincing other therapists and
the public that certain attitudes about our selves should be changed was even
harder. For example, most therapists have been trained to look for pathology
in a patient. i.e. What is wrong. Although many also point out and support
what is right about their clients, they may do that as a secondary aspect
of the treatment. Many therapists see the world of coaching as the natural
arena to really focus on one's talents, dreams and aspirations. Coaching
is great, but I am convinced that the talents, coping skills, dreams and potential
of a person, even if the person is plagued by problems, remain primary.
These positive attributes most always be supported, acknowledged and taken
into account in a therapeutic setting. It is from those parts of a person
that the strength to grow and heal will spring forth. I found similar barriers
to my great news when I went to the public. Simply put, many people are convinced
that feeling tired, depleted and down are simply the norms for a busy, hectic
life. Many women are quick to be helpful and nourishing to others but
put themselves last on the list. Our external values that emphasize
a great figure, youth rather than wisdom, and the green goddess of money were
also not helpful. Although most people positively responded to THE ENCHANTED
SELF, I felt it was often thrown in with love of your mother and apple pie--a
given, but so what?
The good news about my mental perspiration was
that writing THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, forced me to compile
and analyze my case notes and Enchanted self theories in ways that were easily
transmitted and understood. Now, I finally had the techniques to teach others
how to work on their self-esteem, learn to better meet their needs and above
all how to use their memory banks to rediscover what was right about themselves. Now
I could teach how to sort through the good from the bad in one's past and
finally how to rename the wondrous person inside of yourself that you are
sure to find. I could share how to find enchanted moments for your self
again and again--moments of well-being that were so unique to you that they
reinforced your talents, strengths, coping skills and potential. Now I could
show you how this all circles around in a spiral of learning and positive
repetition so that over the years you can become more and more accustomed
to states of well-being that work for you. I knew for sure, that THE
ENCHANTED SELF becomes a living space in your own mind. Being there
is the prize. Work--yes, tons of it, but so much better than depression,
feeling lousy about ourselves and not having a sense of purpose. But still
I was in a dilemma--talk is cheap. A book sells a few thousand copies
if one is lucky. How do I grab on to my mission and run with it?
Next time, I'll continue sharing how the energy of THE ENCHANTED SELF drew
me beyond the treatment room into the magic of the world, and I'll share how
my name, 'The ENCHANTRESS', came to be!
Yes,
I Finally Dare to Be The ENCHANTRESS of Positive Psychology:
Part 2
Thank you for staying with me. This week I'll continue sharing how the
energy of THE ENCHANTED SELF drew me beyond the treatment room into the magic
of the world, and how my name 'The Enchantress' came to be!
How did I grab on to my mission and run with it? As all new adventures
usually begin, stepping out into the world at large happened slowly and tentatively
at first. There were many nights of restless sleep and moments of real
anxiety. Two friends in particular appeared as 'angels' in disguise to
help make the adventure possible. Doreen Laperdon Addison and Sori Guttdenker
gave support and encouragement while creatively working with me as we planned
the very first Enchanted Self workshop.
The workshop opened with the three of us moving in beautiful flowing movements
that Doreen had choreographed, dressed in costumes designed by Sori. An
atmosphere of 'ENCHANTMENT' was created. I then gave a talk about Enchantment,
followed by the three of us leading a mind/body workshop at a synagogue.
The adventure had begun. THE ENCHANTED SELF had gone public. In
a short article I can't share all of the steps, but step by step with lots of
angels helping again and again, I took my message to the world via workshops,
a newsletter, the radio, television and other media outlets.
In the early days, I knew I had a message that was so intimately important to
each of us that I had to keep going, even when I saw money flowing out of our
bank account for all sorts of expenses and even when I received little feedback
or acknowledgement. I had to pursue my mission. After all, what
could be more valuable to any of us then achieving peace of mind combined with
the capacity to joyfully lead a life of meaning?
It wasn't that I always lived that way myself. It was a daily struggle,
but having the background of a psychologist plus the wisdom that the women I
had researched had given me, placed me in a unique position. I had to
pass on what I had learned.
I knew I could teach the importance of rediscovering our talents and lost potential
by documenting our strengths and marvelous coping skills. I knew I could
show others how to take life, with its roller coaster ride of ups and downs,
and discover the special heroine that is the star of each of our lives.
I knew I could help others plan their futures in ways that take into account
what works for them, and particularly what gives them pleasure, satisfaction
and replenishment.
The real problem was figuring out how to get these messages across to others.
Ah, the cold water of reality thrown in one's face!
As committed as I was to my mission I was soon painfully aware that not everyone
was running toward ENCHANTMENT. Ah, yes, how many of us are deep into
our own ruts—sometimes of our own making—sometimes due to circumstances
hard to control. We easily get discouraged and bruised and worn our emotionally.
We lose momentum. We lose opportunities. We lose positive perspective.
As I fought off my own discouragement while trying to teach the core principles
of THE ENCHANTED SELF, both to the public and to other professionals, I began
to realize that more than hard work was involved.
To succeed I would have to not only work hard, but find ways to appeal to others.
I had to cut through the negative views of one’s self and engrained attitudes
that most of us struggle with. I had to cut through the messages from
our society that often limit a person's attitudes and beliefs about what she
or he can become. I even had to convince other therapists that they need
not become coaches in order to help their clients focus on their talents.
All they had to do was work on problems and at the same time honor and work
with the strengths and talents that each wondrous person coming for treatment
already had!
Suddenly, years into this world of THE ENCHANTED SELF, I had another 'Aha!'
moment. I had to do exactly what I was teaching. I had to put myself
together—my talents and potential—in a way that expressed myself
and my mission to the core. What was that? When I saw it I realized
it had been there all the time, staring me in my face and trying to enter my
heart, but I hadn't responded. Now I was ready. Why of course, all
I had to do was become an 'Enchantress of Positive Psychology'!
Yes, that was the answer. The word ENCHANTRESS gave me energy and endurance
and released my creativity. It was the release of my creativity that was
necessary for this mission.
Please stay with me for the next part in this short article series. I
will explain more about recognizing the ENCHANTRESS in myself and finally how
that recognition comes full circle around to you—you, my dear reader—who
are also in your own way, an ENCHANTRESS!
Article: Yes, I Finally Dare to Be The ENCHANTRESS of Positive
Psychology: Part 3
Thank you for staying with me. Let me continue to explain more about
recognizing the ENCHANTRESS in myself and finally how that recognition comes
full circle around to you.
You, too, can be an ENCHANTRESS! In fact, to live the essence of who
we are, we each need to 'turn on the charm' and cast the positive spells that
will help us get our message across. For example, in my case, I have
had to convince so many different types of people about the positive sides
of themselves.
Some were moved by the beautiful dance that Doreen Laperdon Addison choreographed
for THE ENCHANTED SELF workshops. This dance aroused the poetic and
spiritual sides of many women who saw the dance. Then, when they came
to the mind/body workshop they were open to recalling the positive parts of
themselves and playing with their untapped potential.
Many of the women let their own 'bewitchment' start to come through via art,
some via shared storytelling and some via communal movement exercises done
to music. However it started, many women left the workshops more in
touch with their positive sides as well as their dreams for themselves and
the world.
The next step for many was risking some positive change, no matter how small.
That meant starting to let the Enchantress in them selves be birthed.
For one woman, it was buying a baton at a yard sale and having a ball twirling
in her living room as she had always wished to do as a child. For another,
it was simply stopping the car and inhaling the glorious smell of honeysuckle
one night.
I tried to assist them by letting the Enchantress in me continue to work overtime.
At one point in time that meant a paper newsletter, THE ENCHANTED SELF, which
I published with Doreen and Bernie Hoyer. We included inspirational
articles, stories, activities and suggestions. We sent it around the
world and let the magic vapors blow it to where it would land. It was
great fun. We have all the archives for any interested readers, however,
eventually even the Enchantress had to succumb to the pressures of time and
money and currently the newsletter is going around the world in e-mail fashion.
In fact, that is what you are reading right now.
Ultimately for me, being the Enchantress of Positive Psychology was and is,
the hard work of finding many, many ways to teach many different types of
people how to cast positive 'spells' for themselves in life. I go into
the battlefield of negative thoughts and feelings and challenge them with
alternative thoughts and ways of being. I take my magic wand when I
can and give people new ways of seeing alternative views of themselves and
their worlds.
Yes, as an 'Enchantress of Positive Psychology' I can go on a magic carpet
ride around the world. It is sometimes tiring. Sometimes I am
fatigued after my journeying but there is such magic in being true to one's
passions and in sharing the unique message that you have to give. There
is so much mental health in being true to your self. That's why I am
committed to not only me being the Enchantress of Positive Psychology, but
to you being the Enchantress of your own dream!
May we all be blessed with finding our essence and bringing it to the world
with the courage to be enchanting and the Enchantress of our own work.
And, may we all enjoy lives of meaning, hope, joy and purpose--lives of well-being--and
of course, I would add, ENCHANTMENT!
Enchanted Ponderings
Can you connect with the Enchantress part of yourself?
Take some time to muse about your positive capacities to 'cast a spell', to
convince others, to do good deeds and to create positive change. Are
you best a hosting a party? Making the right phone call at just the
right time? Cheering someone up? Smiling?
Take some pleasure in yourself as an Enchantress! The world really does
need you--your talents and gifts. No one else can wave the magic wand
exactly as you!
Also, take some time to think about what name best suits your essence.
Of course, you are welcome to share in the vitality of the name ENCHANTRESS.
I have no hold on it, except it works for me and is a good word to help other
women begin to think about their power and magic. However, there still
may be a much better name that is so unique to you that it just sings when
you find it. Go for it!
PRODUCTS:
Dr.
Barbara has some wonderful products that will enhance your day - EVERYDAY.
For a complete list see: http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
My
favorite product are these lovely silk purses.
There's more! This is an Enchanged Purse meant to travel around the world
with women who share their wisdom, special thoughts, hopes, dreams, and enchanted
moments!
Here's what Barbara says about the purses 
"One is for you and one you must pledge to give away to another woman.
If you chose, you may also pass your own purse on to another woman, with a
little present inside that you put in.
Please leave at least one wisdom card and one blessing for the next woman
and the identification number of the purse so she too can participate."
Copyright © 2003-2007 Website (Karin Janin). All Rights Reserved.
P.O. Box 607 • Highland, NY 12528 •
845-236-2557
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